Tuesday, January 17, 2006

The Year's Best (actual) Headlines of 2005

Sent to me by my friend St. Jude.
Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
[Imagine that!]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]
War Dims Hope for Peace

[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?!]
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

[Who would have thought!]

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[He probably IS the battery charge]
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is.... Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that sign right?

1 comment:

w.t. said...

Oh gosh Larry, I missed this. Just today, surfing around a bit I read these headlines. What a blast. I was gasping for breaths laughing so hard. I want to copy it but have to figure out how to get it to a place that I can. I'm not sure you still check these old blogs for stray comments.

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