Monday, March 28, 2005

Good Morning

Woke up with K.C. and the Sunshine Band playing in my head. Celebrate good times. Yahoo...

Friday, March 25, 2005

My Easter Pome

Good Friday

My first communion, my Easter duty
my confirmation to the body of Christ...
all these were errors of the adult mind,
whereas I was an incense addict, who,
with hands folded in simple faith,
prayed to see Jesus in the pew next to me.

Catholic rites and philosophy were
lost among my childhood visions
when I asked the statues of Mary and Joseph
to blink their eyes and move with me.
This was magic no less than the risen flesh,
the driven nails and the pierced breast.
It dazzled my mind with miracles and
I believed I held God in my tiny hand,
walked with him in the halls at school,
spoke to him on the swings in the park.

Now I believe I hold him in my palm,
his weight immense as the universe,
as light as the palms of the Easter parade.
Daily contact is my first communion;
he does not command my Easter duty
but lays on me a constant vigil
and asks of me a simple faith
to see Jesus at the table next to me.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Signs of Spring

My friend Peter Z. wants to know: Did the Pope see his shadow this morning?

(Apparently he popped his head out the window today and waved at the people...)

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

The picture on Nelly's driver's licence

International Women's Day

I think it's right, admirable, and beyond dispute that women should have their own special day which recognizes their role and contribution to our great world-wide society. Women are the adhesive of our lives, the glue which binds our families and sets the unruliness of men upon the path of responsibility and duty.

Equality is undoubtedly the right of every woman, rich or poor, married or unmarried, pregnant or barren.

The issues of feminism, equality, etc. of course raise important political and social questions.

Take universal suffrage, for example. It is clear that women should have the right to vote for the candidate of their choice, secure in the knowledge that, once elected, he will represent their interests to the fullest. Naturally, rights must be tempered with wisdom. In this case, women must recognize that casting a vote in opposition to that of their husbands' must needs be met with the strictest disapprobation, perhaps a short stint tied up in the basement with only bread and water. Men, on the other hand, should be careful to dilute the force of their discipline with a sufficient measure of solicitous tenderness.

Then there is the question of whether women should be allowed to drive the roads. Anyone who says no is obviously a fool, and deeply bigoted to boot. Still, I wonder why some women insist on driving the most expensive vehicles available, such as top of the line Mercedes and BMWs. Such an ostentatious display only serves to indicate their husbands have well-paying jobs, and can only contribute to a rise in envy of those less fortunate souls whose husbands must labour in the coal mines. As for those who like to drive fast, sporty models....well! We know what kind of women those are! But, equality being what it is, all men are entitled to pursue such women for their favours.

But really, it is almost invariably true that women possess a much better grasp of what is appropriate than most men. That is why they have for some years prevailed upon the auto manufacturers to produce varieties of "girly" cars (to use the colloquial expression)...less brash, less obtrusive, less likely to interfere with those employing the thoroughfares for serious purposes. And to their credit, women have embraced these models enthusiastically, regaling the travelling public with demonstrations of their driving skills. The feminist movement has not yet succeeded in having dedicated "female driver lanes" but this may soon come to pass.

It is with astonishment that I note the continuing controversy over whether women should populate the work force or the planet. Forgive me, that is my facetious way of saying that some women stand upon their right to work, while others choose to remain in the home and apply themselves to the raising of their children.

What a vexatious topic is this! Of course women should be in the work force. Many jobs simply cannot be done by men. On a personal note, I can say that I could not make a decent cup of coffee even were I to be serving the Queen herself!

This does raise the question, however, of what is to be done with the children of working women. As I understand, the idea of nationally subsidized daycare has been floated as one solution. Personally, I prefer the option of having women take their children to work with them. This provides the two-fold benefit of alleviating separation anxiety, and the possibility of creating a "teachable" moment at any time of the day.

How could this be accomplished? I suggest the use of sling-type baby carriers, either of the back-pack variety or the front-loaded version. The latter, especially, would be particularly convenient for mothers who are still nursing their young, with the proviso, of course, that they do so discreetly...preferably in a quiet secluded area well away from the prying eyes of men who, it is well-known, are far too excitable and sensitive to this sort of stimulus.

Older children would be well-served by some sort of "kiddie-leash". Failing that, large-screen televisions equipped with X-Box or Playstation are reported to have kept children occupied well beyond their nominal bedtimes.

In conclusion, I salute the international women of the day. May they ever be on guard in the maintenance of their supremacy, in the diligence of their efforts to keep we men upright and on the straight and narrow. And may God help us if they ever decide to pack up and leave.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

BS vs. HS

I have a question:

Is there a qualitative difference between bullshit and horseshit? I mean, when you say, "That's a load of bullshit!" does it mean something different from saying, "What a load of horseshit!"?

Or is it a geographical and cultural thing? See, 'cause I just read the use of horseshit in an article written by a New Yorker. I admit I hear the use of horseshit around here now and then, but mostly I hear bullshit.

And I must say, I don't like to hear bullshit. But you really do hear a lot of it. On the radio. On TV. From politicians. Salesmen. Talk-show hosts. The media in general purvey a vast quantity of it. Or maybe it's horseshit they're spreading.

Now, manure is supposed to be good for growing things, right? I wonder what all these BS artists, (or HS artists) are trying to fertilize. Free-thinking, independent, critical minds? Somehow I doubt it.

Mental Blog Repair 1

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