Thursday, October 02, 2008

Yoni School (Combined) Election Watch

Instantaneous But Infallible Impressions From Watching
The Dualling Debates

I watched both election debates simultaneously tonight. OK, not simultaneously, but serially. Some of this and some of that. Here are my firm conclusions:
  1. Canaduh should pull out of Iraq immediately.
  2. Gilles Deceit's eyes are exactly the same colour as Paul Newman's.
  3. If Stephen Harpie had been president of the United States, there would be no need to bail out Wall St. (On the other hand, Canajuns would still be debating whether to pull out of Iraq.)
  4. Sarah Palin pales in comparison to Elizabeth Mayormaynot.
  5. Alaska is closer to Canaduh than it is to Russia.
  6. M. Dion and the Belmonts will never be Prime Mystery of Canaduh because his mouth is the wrong shape and that's why he has such trouble with English. Ditto Deceit.
  7. Jack Layoff and Joe Biden would make a great ticket...somewhere.
  8. No matter whether you're Canajun or Murrican, you can't escape George Bush.
  9. Hockey moms are master debaters, but only if they have cute bangs, know when to wink and how to dress a moose.
  10. Stephen Harpie is not a moose.
  11. Elizabeth Mayormaynot be the Roly Poly PM.
  12. Jack Layoff and Joe Biden would make a great vice-president...somewhere.
  13. Stephen Harpie and Sarah Palin would look good on top of a wedding cake.
  14. George W. Bush's most disastrous decision was to cut arts funding so that now there are no climate-controlled trucks to move the old bones back and forth from one museum to another. Does this mean there will be no more conjugal visits between the Senate and the Common Bawdy House of Commons?
  15. Stephen Harpie's most disastrous decision was to sit around the table with four opposition leaders on national television.
The dualling debates have solidified my decision about whom I will vote for. I've decided to vote the Republigreen ticket. Yes, I will cast my vote for Sarah (No Tax Cuts Fer Them Nasty Ole Oil Companies) Pale Palin and Elizabeth (How Many Times Can I Count On My Fingers) Mayormaynot. It's time to let the women run the free world so that the men can just run free.

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