Boy do I have mixed feelings about this whole seal hunt business. First, there’s Sir Paul who may be the Walrus. Or was John the Walrus? No matter, Walri and Harp Seals, what a combination!
I am Buddhist person, you know? This killing of seals does not sit well with me for that reason. How I would like it if some other way could be found for people to make a living. But that’s OK, Sir Paul the Fabulously Wealthy Walrus has no problem coming along to tell people how they should live their lives. I wouldn’t mind so much if I hadn’t heard (some time ago) this (admittedly second-hand) story from someone who worked in McCartney’s road crew. Sir Walrus is a vegan. Everybody knows. What everybody doesn’t know is that when you work for McPaul, you also become vegan for the duration of the tour. God help you if you get caught with McDonald’s breath, because Mr. McVegan certainly won’t. In fact, you get tossed out on your ear unceremoniously. In other words, Sir McVegan, the fabulously wealthy Paulrus, not only chooses himself to be vegan but insists, on pain of dismissal, that everyone else be vegan as well. In other words, the Dalai Lama would be unable to work on the McCartneys' road crew.
Sure, I agree, much better if we could all be vegans, or at least vegetarian. But we can’t. We aren’t. Suck it up, buttercup. (A phrase lent to me by my other Buddha-buddy Sheryl (not one of the Hyannis Port Kennedys.)
Meanwhile, there are real, ordinary people earning their livings in a crappy, messy business. Here’s the problem: it ain’t done behind closed doors in a factory setting. Many years ago, I spent a summer working at Lunchbucket’s largest meat-packing plant. I was a little runt then, so I managed to avoid being assigned to the beef or hog kill floor. Still, I know the technique for killing a big cow or hog is not much neater than that for a harp seal. It’s bloody bloody! I did work in the chicken shack, and that was a daily orgy of fowl destruction by the thousands, poor chickens literally scared shitless. But it’s institutionalized. It’s hidden. Our meat comes in bite-sized morsels. Not much to remind us it was once a sentient being. Not so with harp seals. Right out there on the ice floes, snuggling up to Sir Paulrus. Blatant barbarity begging for photo-op. I say, Paul, go check out Tyson, the largest meat processor in the US. If you got a beef, why not take it to them, eh? Tell the meat-sucking Yankee denizens of McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Burger King, A&W, KFC that they must give up their meat! Go pick on the Americans, eh?…Not bloody likely.
And now we have the Canadian Senate entering the fray, in the form of Gliberal Valkyrie Celine Hervieux-Payette. Here’s, possibly, an example of how much the average American (even in the border states) knows about Canada.
A Minnesota family sent letters to all the Canadian Senators telling them to stop the “horrific” slaughter of lovable seals, and if they didn’t, said Minnesota family would no longer vacation in Canada and also tell all their Murrican good buddies to boycott the Great White (tho somewhat blood-stained) North.
OK, they’re American. American Senators are powerful people…so…Canadian Senators must be the same, right? Member of Parliament? What’s that? Prime Minister? Isn’t that the guy in England? No, no, give them Senators hell!
Anyway, that’s a slight digression. Point here is, Senator Valkyrie took exception to snooty Yanks telling us what we should do, and sent them back a sharp letter in which she said that the really horrifying stuff to her was "the daily massacre of innocent people in Iraq, the execution of prisoners – mainly blacks – in American prisons, the massive sale of handguns to Americans, the destabilization of the entire world by the American government's aggressive foreign policy, etc." Of course, she’s right, if somewhat tactless. I have visions of poor Minnesota kids recoiling in horror at the harsh words of some crabby Senator Valkyrie from that French state up there in Canada. “Hey Mom, what’s she so mad about anyway? All we wanna do is play with the seal pups…!”
Well, at least she’s not the Canadian ambassador to Washington.
All this merely shows that people who live in glass houses…you know. And guess what? We all live in glass houses! I vaguely recall something about questionable fishing practices on the US west coast that was harming…what…whales? Or dolphins…something. It’s bootless and fruitless to start making comparisons.
Let the Minnesotans stay home if it suits em. And Sir McPaul Walrus too. (You may remember his movie theme from the Bond flick, Live and Let Die, which I think won a Grammy…so he doesn’t mind spouting nonsense or things he doesn’t believe in if there’s commerce in it…)
Really, I’d rather play the harp than kill it. You have to give people an alternative. McSir Paul Walrus could donate some of his millions to the Seal Hunt Retirement Fund. The Minnesota family could demand that the US government stop paying billions for foreign wars of dubious morality and use the money it saves to buy every Iraqi citizen a Big Mac. Canada can supply the Timmy's. That kind of good will would be cheap at twice the price.